Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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