and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize