You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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