Dignity is for republicans.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
