we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize