Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
