if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
