I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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