I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
