I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
