his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
