So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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