just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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