he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
