Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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