i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize