Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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