So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
