I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize