If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
