I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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