She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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