Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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