Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
