I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
