Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
