And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
