He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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