the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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