I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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