I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
