I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize