How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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