just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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