I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
