What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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