Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
