it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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