ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
