imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
