I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
