At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
