I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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