I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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