you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
