I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
wakey wakey hands off snakey
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
