It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
