I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he thought i was a dude.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize