I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
