got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
