we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What a dumb baby whore.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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