**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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