Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
