how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
