dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
