still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
