Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
