ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize