im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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