I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
