I just made out with a guy for $7.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
