Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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