I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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