I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
