barbara walters just said penis...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
