Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize