Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
