shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
