Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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