remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
